Published Books

Anyone to whom you mention the subject of suicide, knows someone who committed suicide. Far less than six degrees of separation. It changed my life......

I am a third generation Fine Art Dealer in our now 4th generation family owned & operated Fine Art Gallery in Philadelphia (David David Gallery) and Provident Fine Art, Palm Beach. I am also the author of four traditionally published books and many published articles. I am also an avid photographer, musician and healer.

I am on another passionate path as well. I have become a Suicide Prevention Advocate.

Having lived through and survived the horrific experience of my brother's suicide, I was awakened to the real purpose in my life. I am on a mission to save lives....even one. This is my way of paying forward by taking the darkest days of my life and helping those on that final edge of desperation to see that they are loved, that there is help for them and that they are not alone. I need to let those who have walked a similar devastating path know that life does go on and that life is for the living; that we do survive. Our scars become an integral part of us as the experiences imprint our souls, but it is what we do with that information that makes us who we are in the end. I lived it and need to share my story first hand so that it will spare others from going through it.

I have been told that going public was a real risk; I didn't care. Many who have read the book have commented that they felt they know too much about our family. Others felt privileged to have been a part of it through my writing. Although I am a well respected art dealer, my real passion is reaching out to those one that edge of final desperation and extending to them a vision of hope; inspiring them to live, not die.

My recent book, "Bader Field; How My Family Survived Suicide" (Nightengale Press) is the emotional story of our family's struggle to survive after my older brother at age 22 took his life. I was just 16 years old. The effects on myself and my family were devastating beyond description. We had but two choices; to pull together or tear each other apart. We chose the former and used every bit of strength to rebuild our lives. The challenges were monumental as every day was day one. We had to start over with each sunrise because the after effects were so persistent and the pain so ever present that at times it seemed insurmountable. We wondered if we would ever be able to move forward and regain some semblance of life.

Anger and sadness loomed large for a very long time but ultimately I forgave my brother for taking his life. The pain he must have been in was apparently insurmountable. I just wish he'd have shared it with us; he'd probably still be with us.

I have also long forgiven myself for not having seen his distress, which he held to himself all too well. The first thoughts are always feeling responsible for not knowing, not recognizing that there was a real problem. But, there were no signs, no hints, nothing to indicate the impending torturous event that was to be our Achilles heel.

We realized after a period of time that life does go on, with us or without us and that we had to forge on and live for ourselves and for my brother. He'd have wanted that and we knew that whatever the cause that pushed him to that final edge of desperation, if he'd known the pain that his loss would inflict he never would have ended his life.

Kids need to know that no matter what, no matter how desperate they feel, that they are loved, that there is help for them and that suicide is never ever the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is a gift and every day we wake up is a blessing. No matter the difficulty, we get a redo. We have the luxury of choice in how we will spend our time and what we will do with it.

There are triggers that vault you backward in an instant. When we hear of someone who has taken their life, our scab is ripped off and we weep with an involuntary kinship. There is a common ground as we've been thrust into an unwanted membership to this God awful club. We feel for them; we know their pain. We want to reach out to comfort them; to let them know that they are not alone, they will survive; we all do.

It is always present, that persistent bit of pain which lurks just beneath the surface, waiting to nudge you back to reality when it awakens with just the slightest influence. We must acknowledge it and never shut it out for we cannot deny who we are and all of the experiences that build upon our foundation. We take ourselves with us wherever we go; that library of records within defines us and makes us individual.

As a father my perspective had become ever more profound. While our children were growing up, the haunts of the past were always there and our caution flags were always on guard. We never spoke of my brother's death until they were of sufficient age to understand and not freak out as this is a very sensitive issue. We needed to let them know, almost as insurance, so that by understanding the degree of collateral destruction such an act leaves on a family, that they would never even consider it.

Suicide claims more than a million lives each year and leaves more than five million to mourn them. It knows no boundaries; not age, gender, color, race or nationality. It's victims are drawn by drugs, depression, disease, sexual confusion, bullying, peer pressures, feelings of desperation and immeasurable levels of inadequacy. Teens, young adults, Law Enforcement, Military, Veterans and First Responders are especially vulnerable. The only way to thwart this unforgiving beast is to confront it by raising levels of awareness so that it is spoken about rather than looking the other way, fueling the veil of shame and secrecy that keeps it thriving and killing innocent people. That is why I have come forward with my story.

If you know someone who is on that final edge of hopelessness, reach out to them. Get them to talk to a family member, a friend, a rabbi, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a bartender, even a stranger. There are so many avenues of help available, 911 and now 988, contact organizations, suicide hotlines and the list goes on. Don't hesitate, second guess or wonder, just do it. Better to be a little over zealous than wishing you would have acted sooner. You might just save a life. Remember, "Whoever saves a life saves the world entire...."

I welcome the opportunity to share my story; it will save lives. Through a great deal of persistence and perseverance I have done countless radio and television & journal interviews.This has become a full time passion. As I have lived it, I bring to the table a degree of realism that is timeless and very powerful.

One of my goals is for the book to be made mandatory reading in every high school in America and then worldwide. It will save lives...I am also working to have it made into a film as the visual impact will be stunning. It is available in the Apple iBookstore, Kindle, Nook, Kobo and in about 60 other digital markets worldwide for immediate download. Also available in softcover format at Amazon, and in a myriad other places simply by title search.